Why Children Need Fathers

A few days ago, I got sucked into a conversation about the relative importance of fathers vs. mothers, and its been troubling me ever since.  I should have avoided it.  I know better.

The whole conversation started when a female friend made the assertion that “…yeah, but kids really need their mothers.”  The implication in her statement was that kids don’t need their fathers.  When pressed, she held firm to her statement.

Needless to say, I was offended.  And troubled.

Why Children Need Their Fathers

As a father, a statement like this really bothers me.  Moreso because I’ve heard similar comments echoed at other times.

Should we be assigning relative importance to mothers and fathers when it comes to their value in child-rearing?  I don’t think so.  And, perhaps more importantly, what are we teaching our boys if they hear us make statements like that?

Without a doubt, there was a time when fathers were less involved in child-rearing.  At one time, fathers were the sole source of income, and their role in raising children was primarily that of disciplinarian.  Men were taught to avoid displays of emotion, etc.  But, as women have moved into the workforce, and societal norms about the relationships fathers can have with their children have shifted, fathers have taken a more prominent role in raising and caring for their children.  And the truth of the matter is, having a father in the home enriches their children’s lives.

Don’t believe me?  The facts stand for themselves:

• In 2002, 7.8% of children in married-couple families lived in poverty, versus 38.4% of female-headed households.
• Children living in single-parent households are at twice the risk of suffering physical, emotional, or educational neglect as compared to two-parent households.
• Children living in two-parent households are less likely to have behavioral problems in school
• Girls without fathers in the home are more than twice as likely to engage in early sexual behavior

Admittedly, being a father makes me biased.  But I think the evidence supports the idea that children need their fathers.

Before I get attacked by the mothers wielding billy-clubs and machettes, I’m not saying that children don’t need their mothers.  In fact, they do.

The truth is that children need both their parents equally.  Mothers and fathers play different, yet equally important, roles in providing for, protecting, and nurturing their children.  They are the yin and the yang that provide the mold which shapes children into the adults they will become.

Research proves that which most of us already know.  Mothers and fathers interact differently with their children.  But that difference doesn’t make one parent more important than the other.

None of this is meant to suggest that children are always better off with both parents in the home.  But the assumption that, when forced into a single-parent situation, children will always be better off without the father is, in my opinion, patently false.  Without even trying hard, I can point to a dozen instances where children are either being raised in a single-parent household (headed by a father), or where the Dad is a stay-at-home parent.  And in every instance, the children are growing up under the tutelage of a loving, caring father.

I’ll end with this.

The mother that made this comment to me is a single parent, with four boys and one girl living in her household, all under the age of 18.  I didn’t go into this diatribe with her, but simply asked this:  ”If you say things like this to your boys, what do you think they’ll believe when they become fathers?”

Think about it.

Sources

• National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse
• NCES